...I ruined all the preliminary papers last week...I think I would not get 7 points in L1R5 again...=.=...I believe that I will be already very lucky if I can get less than 20 points...Ehhhh...I must find back my courage to face the stupid examinations!!!

Forget about the boring boring examinations...Now let me talk about me...What happened to me?I think I should listen to my best friends' ideas,(all of them are know me more than 10 years,so they will not anyhow make judgements on me)but unfortunately,mostly,I changed in a bad way...=(

1)My heart becomes weaker than before-I was a very strong boy before and I believed that I could solve every problems I met...but now,I feel tired and start to 力不从心...
2)I am not as brave as before-I was a very brave boy before,that was why I could achieve a lot of "impossible" things before...but now,I become fearful,I start to scare of failure or the kind of results which I do not hope to see...
3)I start to think about things in a very negative way-I was an optimistic person before,sometimes,I was even over-optimistic...but now,even I have the ability to achieve something,I think about the things negatively before I really do them or during the process I do them...
4)I become less confident than before-I was a confident person before,I always think that nothing is impossible for me(over-confident?)...but now,I think everything is impossible for me...=.=...this is really a drastic change...
5)I become less logical than before-I was a super logical person before,sometimes,my so called "logic" will made me very bold or mercyless...but now,I start to become emotional,I really feel very bad as I do not want to become as emotional as a girl...=.=...This is very serious problem for me as logic can help me solve a lot of problems and make me strong...
6)Sadness becomes the main theme of my life-I was a happy and joyful people before,my friends also said that they feel the power of happyness when they stayed with me...but now,I even cannot make myself happy so how can I make others happy?
7)I think that I am hopeless-I always could see the sunlights which are covered by dark clouds and the rainbow which appears after a rain storm...but now,I cannot see them at all...I really wonder am I blind or what?How can a person who always see hopes becomes the one who cannot see hope at all?


In fact,I also find these negative changes on me,I try to stop but I cannot stop...=.=...Anyway,I must find back myself as fast as I can,all the strength,braveness,happyness,joyness,confidence,hope and logic which I ever had,I must find them back!Now,I feel that I look like a stupid coward,always try to avoid problems and do not dare to face them directly.I know this is wrong and I will make a change!

Anyway,thanks to Xiao Xue,today one of her random question really inspire me and make me find the real problem in my life...The problem of my life is lack of passion and it becomes so empty since after I came to Singapore...Today she asked me,"Now you should be really happy,as you are not a students' community chairman of our high school,not the captain of our school basketball team,not the vice-captain of 仪仗队...You must feel very relaxable and comfortable after you took off all the burdens from your shoulders..."But actually,I feel empty and that is why I start to change in a bad way...I have already adapted to the stressful and busy life which I had have!It is true that as a chairman,school stuff made me sick as everyday I need to write and plan for a lof stuff!It is true that as a school basketball player,I had to go for training everyday for at least 3 hours and also need to join competition!It is also true that I hated my job at the stupid 仪仗队 as everyday we had to practise our square...continued practising steps and walk(this is the most boring thing I do in my life) dunno who many hours!But I was happy at that time as they enriched my life!Even though I also need to kept my results in level top 3 among 1200 plus students,I felt happy=)Not like now,put so much time on computer game or try to make girlfriend and other stupid things!I think I really need to find back the goal and pace of my life,and I believe,the original me will be back soon=)

Recently,I was really not happy with the lesson arrangement of my school...The principal continued adding on extra lessons for us and I believed that it has already exceed the limit.I knew that our principal just worried about our results and tried to "force" us to improve them,but did she really think that add more extra lessons will help us on our study?I could not think in the way she thinks so I could not answer my own question,anyway,I was not her and if I was her,I would not make such decision...

Extra lessons were really make me sick,I felt powerless and had no motivation to study.For me,extra lessons almost equalled to sleeping lessons,but of course,I could not get a well sleep as I had to sleep on hard small desk instead of my soft big bed and always got "disturb" by teachers...=.=...I hoped that I could take only one month rest,just one month was enough for me to prepare and face the challenges of O level examinations!

Now I really suffered from school days,I did not need a relaxable holiday but I need to revise by myself!I always can keep a high efficiency of study when I studied in my house!I did not know what others think about extra lessons and maybe they need the guides of teachers...but for me,definitely,I need to study by myself,but not rely on anybody else...

I hoped the stupid extra lessons can go to the hell!

Tagboard:To JM:lol...is qing mei zhu ma lah...you really should go to learn han yu pin yin loh!but anyway,thanks your suggestion...we are just good friends,full stop,that's all=)

Recently I was very very busy as I got a lot of things need to do...My study,friends and future plans,all of these things drove me crazy!!!Luckily,I became super smart again and my clear mind really helped me solve all of these matters=)Now,let me talk about what happened during these few days...

Last Friday,my best female friend Xiao Xue and her family arrived in Singapore,their main purpose was to visit my family and had a short stay.I was quite happy about that as I got long time never see her and really really miss her even though we chated online almost everyday...But the feelings of chating online and talk to each other face to face is totally different...Anyway,she was here now and I was sure that we would have a lot of fun=)

Last Saturday,my father fetched me to shave my hair...=.=...I hate it as everytime I was shaved untill like a monk!!!At night,my family went out eat with Xiao Xue's family at East Coast...(Obviously,I did not like to go to public place as my stupid hairstyle...>.<)I believed that the one who missed me mostly is not Xiao Xue,but her grandma...=.=...She really treated me as some kind of superstar(even though I got a ugly hairstyle)...=.=...Anyway,I am always welcomed by elderly...During the dinner,they always talked about my private business,especially my future girlfriend...T.T...that always be the most sensitive topic which I do not want them to talk about it,thus,I ran away from them and went to East Coast Park to breathe some fresh air.Xiao Xue followed me there and we walked along the beach,we talked about the beautiful memories which we had have in China...Haha...those memories really made me want to go back my country=)After we finished the so called "dinner",it was already 11pm plus...What a tired day it was!But I really got a lot of fun=)

Yesterday,I slept untill 12 plus and after I woke up,I found that Xiao Xue was in my house!!!OMG!!!Why nobody told me this thing first?Suddenly got a girl in my house and even she was someone who I knew for almost 20 years...I still felt very weird...=.=...She said my family and her family went out shopping but she did not want to follow them...(Adults always go to some boring boring stores buy some boring boring stuffs...=.=)She also told me that she just changed her idea and wanted to stay with me untill her school summer holiday end...That was a super good new for me as recently I really need someone who can be trusted to talk with...She is the best choice!!!She also curious that why suddenly I changed to someone who try to seek for help...as in her eyes,I am always the kind of "lonely hero" who like to solve problems by myself and do not need others' help.

Anyway,prelim will start soon,and Xiao Xue start to force me to study again...tomorrow still have A Math mock test...Ehhhhh...Life is full of examinations for students...=.=